


My Poilu

by Mountainmarie



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Tom Hiddleston - Fandom, War Horse (2011), War Horse RPF
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-24
Updated: 2017-03-10
Packaged: 2018-02-22 12:02:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 15,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2507084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mountainmarie/pseuds/Mountainmarie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane wants to do more for her country, her mother wants her to find a husband, her sister wants her to stay, and Captain Nicholls wants to love her.<br/>This is based on world war one, using original characters and characters from the movie war horse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> There will be more to come after this, this is just chapter one, so stay tuned! Feel free to tell me what to write, and not write, please let me know if you like it! Thanks for reading this, I hope you enjoy it!

'National Service, women land army. God speed to the plow, and the woman who drives it.' I read aloud from the recently posted propaganda poster. This made reference to the many women who were farming and caring for the land left behind by our boys. It didn't seem right to me, how while our boys are knee deep in blood and mud that all I can do is pick up the chores they left behind and build mortar shells. I know that many women are doing their best to help the war effort, but I felt as though I could do more. I decided that I'd think on it, and figure out what more I could do, surely there would be something. I had to meet my mother for tea, so I put the thought to rest, I prepared myself for belittlement, and "why don't you"'s.

"You know that some officers will be back on leave soon..." she stated. "Its about time you found yourself a handsome young man." She blew on her hot tea and looked at me through her round spectacles. I looked out the window into the dreary, man less street as I sipped my warm tea. She stirred her tea, and removed the bag, her overbearing eyes never leaving my pale face. "Jane. I pity you." she spat. I turned and met her eyes with a raised brow and pursed lips. "What?" I asked, with genuine curiosity and a hint of sass. "Jane, I pity you." she repeated. "Why don't you meet a nice man? 23 Is the prime age to wed," I took a deep breath, this was a regular conversation, but this time it was more stern and serious. "Mom" i told her "I'll find a man when the time is right, Besides right now they're all a little busy." I had used this excuse time and time again, her patience with me was wearing thin. "Why don't you ask your sister?" she inquired."She knows how to get a man, it'll be good for you to hear her opinion." "I've already talked to her."I say. "She told me to just be myself." "Well that's not working." she said bluntly. "I would advise a new tactic. I just worry about you darling, that's all." At this point I was frustrated, she didn't pity me, she pitied my dying eggs. "Mom. I'm fine, I like being independent." I tell her. "I'll find a man, just not now." "If not now,then when?!?" she hissed. "Mother, Patience is a virtue." I added, no sense in loosing my head. She sat back in her chair with crossed arms and began to shake her head. 

After my spiteful tea, I decided to go to my sisters, if anyone understood my overwhelming mother, it was her. I trotted up her front steps and knocked on the door, the season was about to turn and yellow leaves littered her porch. She opened her door, and ushered me inside. "Hey." she said. "Hey," I replied. "How's mom?" Lena asked. Shed been named after my grandmother and she had inherited her small frame, and wiry hair. "Same old, same old." I told her. "Still so worried about me and my lack of a husband." Lena rolled her eyes and said "what a cow." I laughed and took a seat in the parlor. "How's Albert?" I asked, her fiance was a touchy subject, but I liked him and I wanted to know how he was. "Good last I heard, haven't gotten a letter in over two weeks," she groaned. "I'm sure he's very busy, killing Germans and all." I consoled. she let out a small laugh and said "Yea, guess so." "Hows work?" she questioned. "Good," I state, "But I want a new one." Why?" she asked "Don't you get pretty good money?" "Yea, yea! The pay is great," I respond. "But I just want to do more." she looked at me, slightly confused and spoke "More?" "I want to make a bigger difference." I explain. "Our boys are out there paying the ultimate price, and I want to be part of that." "You want to be a soldier?" She inquired. "Like in the trenches, shooting ol' Fritz in the ass?" I let out a laugh accompanied by a snort. "No!" I exclaim between giggles. "I don't really know, I just want to help even more." "Be a nurse," she suggested. "You're not too squemish and you nursed for those two years when things got tough." "Yea, that would be a good start, I cant believe I didn't think of that." I stated, cursing my stupidity. "Where would I sign up at?" "Obviously the recruiting station," Lena said with one corner of her mouth pulled up. I gave her a sarcastic glare, and she rolled her eyes with a sigh. "What am I gonna do?" she asked. "What?" I replied. "What am I gonna do if you're gone too?" she grumbled, "I'll write." I insisted. "There wont be any need to worry about me, I'll just be fixin guys up, I wont see too much action..." "I don't want more letters!" she roared. "How many more will I get until there aren't any? Which one will be addressed from the government, not you, or Albert? Which one will hold news that I cant bear?" She stared at me cloaked in terror and loneliness. I sat there holding my own hand so tightly, it became pale. She was right, she didn't know what letter would be Alberts last, and she wouldn't know whether or not he would come home. She didn't want to carry an even heavier load.

"Lena, I want to help people." I explained. "I want to make a difference, and share what I can. I want to help those who are fighting so bravely to protect us, I want to help protect you!" She looked at her leather shoes worn after years of wear, the laces fraying, the soles nearing their end. No one had the money, or audacity to buy new clothes. She finally looked back up at me. "I'm being selfish, and I don't care." she mumbled. "You're not only my best friend, but you're my little sister, and its my job to look after you. How am I gonna do that if you're over in the ass-crack of France?" I smiled at her, she always had looked after me, and i understood her points, but I knew I had to go. " I have to go." I inform her. "It's my turn to look after you, I'll be just fine. There will be no need to worry for me" She looked at me with her misty mountain blue eyes, a weak smile and said "Ah, But I will."

I was on my way down to the recruiting station in the salt sized rain. I opened the door to a musty, dim, and virtually empty room. There was a small wooded desk near the back of the room, and the walls were littered with propaganda; 'Your country needs you!' and 'Do your duty' were the most abundant. A tall, lanky man was bent over the desk in front of me, printing something on a form, the man behind the desk seemed to be having a staring contest at the wall. "Well, there is my weekend pass, left tenant Meers." he told the man behind the desk, sliding him the paper and pencil. "Sorry for the mixup. I'll be sure to check before I leave France nextime" he let out a small 'ehe' and the man behind the desk looked at him and with out a word filed his paper into a small folder. The man in front of me was quite taller than I expected, though I only saw his backside, I could tell he was well groomed. He stood there for a moment longer, holding his cap in his hands. "Is that all?" he finally asked. "That will be it." the desk man finally spoke. The taller man said a quick 'Thank you' and turned around to exit. I must have caught him off guard because he jerked back and said "Oh! Hello there!" I immediately thought of what my mother had said earlier 'Its time you found yourself a handsome young man' for once I agreed with her. He was a very handsome man, his facial structure was one that resembled that of a Norse god, his eyes were piercing blue, his hair was perfectly styled, and his uniform was impeccable. "Hello." I replied with a small smile, he returned it with a toothy grin and introduced himself. "I'm Captain James Nicholls." he grabbed my hand and and placed a kiss on the back of my palm. "It's a pleasure." I reply " I'm Jane Carter." He dropped my hand, and responded. "The pleasure is all mine."

"Next!" the man beghind the desk said sharply. "Sorry!" I stammer, and trot up to the desk. I look back back at James and he's headed out the door, he stops though and bids me farewell. "goodbye Jane, I hope to see you again." he says. Before I get the chance to reply the door is closed, and James is gone. "Next." the man repeats.


	2. A New Job and a Night Out

The man behind the desk was a small and pudgy, he had a tightly cropped mustache and lifeless eyes. "Hello." I greeted "I would like to sign up to be a war nurse." He stared at me for a moment, then pulled out a form, "Fill this out." He instructed. "If you're qualified, you will ship out Monday." It was already Friday, and that meant I had only three days to gather my things and say goodbye. But, I wanted this, and you have to make sacrifices for the things you want. I took the form, and had a seat in a splintery, unfinished wooden chair on the opposite side the room. I looked at the form, and it was really quite simple, it asked for the basics; date of birth, name, occupation, address, and the name and address of one relative. I filled out my name; Jane Peggy Carter birth date ; November 12, 1891, and put my sister down as my relative. I looked over the rest of the page, and it asked about schooling, and nursing experience, I had finished 10 years of schooling, and I had been a nurse at the hospital for 2. I wrote this down, and finished reading the rest. The last bit was a contract and it went into great detail about the possible injury's, and causes of death there could be. I skimmed through them, flinching at 'Nurses may be susceptible to: Gas attacks, Mortar shells, and Grenades.' This Is what war was.

I turned the form into the man, he grabbed it and skimmed over it."You're qualified." He informed, I was surprised by the lack of an interview, He got up and went to a small room behind the desk, and came back with a uniform. "Report here on Monday at 7 am. Here is your uniform. You have one blue ankle length dress, with white cuffs, and a white collar. One white apron embroidered with a red cross, one arm band with a red cross, and one cap, Embroidered with a red cross. You will wear this uniform at all times. They will issue a second when you arrive, so you may keep one neatly pressed at all times." He handed me the mass of clothing, and resumed his sitting position. "You ill be debriefed on Monday when you arrive." He said. "Your king and country thank you. Good Day." I left with a quick thank you, and quickly made it out the door. I was ecstatic, I could finally do my part, I could save lives. I hurried down the cobblestone streets to Lena's House to share the news.

"Monday?" she asked. "But why so soon?" She looked concerned, though she was happy for me, but I knew she would miss me; I'd miss her too. "They need nurses." I stated. "And I guess they need them now." She nodded her head, and sat silent for a moment. "You know what this means?" She said. "What?" I inquired. "It means we have to celebrate!" She exclaimed, taken aback by her sudden change of behavior I sat speechless. "Come on!" she yellled. "Get Dressed up! We are going out!"

I went to my closet and fingered through my clothes, fashion had changed drastically since the start of the war, it isn't as cumbersome as in the past. No more corsets, thank goodness. I decided to wear A pair of olive green breeches, a tan wool sweater, A matching green wool overcoat, a red scarf, and my tall leather work boots. I came out of my room, and my sister was wearing the same outfit, varying in color, and type. "You look beautiful!" she exclaimed, "Lets go!" We left for the dance hall, and my sister informed me that she had seen many Calvary men here the night before. "Just think Jane." She said "A nice man who's fighting for you, and can ride a horse!" I laughed at her and replied, mocking my mothers voice "Its about time you found yourself a handsome young man!" Lena chuckled, and applauded my accuracy. As we got closer, we heard music, I Thought of the man I had met earlier that day. My stomach dropped, I had completely forgotten about the handsome bloke, and i had a gut wrenching feeling that he'd be there. "Lena!" I forgot to tell you something!" I exclaimed, i cursed myself for not remembering the most handsome man I'd ever seen. "I met a man today." I told her. "What?!" She Questioned. "Oh my! when?Who? Were?" "Today, at the recruting station." I informed "He was the most handsome man I'd ever met" She stared at me in disbelief. "What was he doing there?" she interrogated. "Something that had to do with him being on leave" I explained. "Well whats his name?" she insisted "You have to see him again!" I kicked myself as I realized that I may very well never see him again, I hadn't gotten the chance to inquire him about a meeting. "I don't know how!" I raised my voice "I didn't get to speak with him for only but a moment!" she scowled at me, Lena wanted me to find a husband so that him and Albert could be friends, and so she could be an aunt. "Seriously?" she muttered. "What was his NAME?" she asked the question again for the third time, I had genuinely forgotten to answer it. "Captain James Nicholls" I stated with a smile.

I heard a voice to my left "Jane Carter?". I turned around and there he was in the flesh, his face still handsome, and his uniform still impeccable. "Jane!" He excited "How are you?" I stepped towards him and answered "I'm great, thank you. How are you?" "I'm swell." he said with a grin "May I inquire about your plans for this evening?" he asked. "of course!" I state, then I remembered Lena was next to me. "Oh!" I exclaim. "Sorry! This is my sister Lena. Lena This is Captain Nicholls." I introduce the two and he shakes her hand, and smiles at her. "Call me James please." he says, shooting a smirk my way. "What are Your plans?" Lena asked James, raising an eyebrow. "Oh I just decided to spend a night on the town, nothing to fancy." He Informs, "You're welcome to spend it with us!" I blurt out, I was anxious to spend time with him, but I didn't want to be too overbearing. "I would love to." he stated, "If of course I'm not intruding." "Not at all." I tell him.

The three of us entered the dance hall, and got a table near the exit, James offered me a chair and scooted me into the table. James went to get a drink, and Lena turned to me "He is very handsome." she said. "And very polite, I like him." I smiled at my sister, it was important that she liked him, I liked him too. He returned with three glasses of champagne in tow, and a grin invading his face "To a marvelous night" he toasted. "To a marvelous night" we repeated, raising our glasses above our heads, and clinking them together. He had sat on the edge of his chair, and began to ask about me. "So where are you from originally?" "Devon, Born and raised" I answered. "Really?" he questioned "I just bought a horse from a lad in Devon!" "Seriously?" I asked "May I ask Who?" "Yes, um... Narracott." he informed "Ted Narracott. I felt bad, his son really loved that horse." "No Joke?" I say "We used to be their neighbors, Oh his son has always been a horse boy." I told him about my sister and I growing up on the outskirts of Devon on a small farm, and how we'd play all day in the fields, and ride our old plow horses around. James had put one arm around my chair, and the other was resting on the table he was completely enveloped in my words, nodding and smiling with each sentence. No one had ever listened to me like that, and it was the best feeling, having someone being interested in you. James looked into my eyes, and smiled "Its a small world." he said in a low voice.

Lena Had told him about the time I got stuck knee deep in black, smelly, bog mud, how it had taken two hours to get me out, and how horrid I smelled the rest of that day. He laughed at my misfortune, and then told us about the time that he was thrown from his horse into a manure pile, and that his mother wouldn't let him inside until he washed off in the creek. The three of us continued to laugh, and joke when finally James asked me to dance. "May i have this dance?" he asked extending his hand. I looked to my sister and she nodded with a big smile and wide eyes, making a hand motion for me to go. I took his hand in mine, it was warm and calloused from years of work. He lowered his hand and placed it around my waist then started us into the waltz. We danced in silence for a few moments, then he spoke. "I am so lucky to have been able to see you" he admitted. "The luck is all mine." I replied in honesty. He let out a long sigh "I wish I could stay here with you." He revealed "When do you leave?" I asked, wanting to spend every last moment he had with him. "I ship out Tuesday." he explained. "Well," I said. "Looks like I'm leaving before you." he stopped dancing, but still held me, he looked at em with a furrowed brow. "Where are you going?" he wondered. "I'm not sure honestly." I admitted. "but, I just joined as a war nurse, so I ship out Monday." He began the dance again, "Oh." He stated. "Well hopefully you will be stationed near me, so I can see you." I smiled at the thought, "I hope so." I replied. "But i hope you'll see me on your own terms, not the wars." He let out a small chuckle and said "Maybe I'll have to fake an injury." I laughed at the though of him showing up and pretending to be hurt. Then I thought of the very real possibility of him showing up, and being very seriously hurt. I tightened my arm around his shoulder and pulled him closer, I didn't want to lose him.

When the dance had finished we returned to your seats. Lena looked at me with a smile, and gave me a thumbs up. I finished my glass of champagne, and Lena spoke "Jane, I think we best go, Its one in the morning." It hadn't seemed that late, and it certainly hadn't seemed as though that much time had passed, but she was right it was time to bid James farewell. Lena told me she would meet me outside, and i appreciated the privacy she gave us. I turned to James and looked into his deep blue eyes "Well." I sadly stated "I guess this Is goodbye." His lips got stiff, and he leaned closer to me. "May I see you Again tomorrow?" He asked. "Of course," I responded with a light smile. "Thank you for this wonderful evening" I say. "No, my dear. Thank you."

James walked me to the door, and pulled me into a warm embrace. "Goodnight." I tell him. He looks at me one last time and says "My dear, I must insist that I leave here with a kiss." He gave me a devilish grin, and he did insist. I grabbed his uniform tie and pulled him toward me. Our lips met, and hastily touched in pure magnificence, we didn't care that we were in the sight of many, we only cared that we were in the sight of eachother.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after you went dancing, you realize you have but just a few days to spend with James before you have to leave for France.

The sun soaked the my wooden floor and crept its way up onto my bed and climbed upon my face. I slowly roused and stretched my exhausted, danced-out body beneath my sheets, and I let my mind wake up. My brain flooded with thoughts of the night before, James and his immaculate uniform, us dancing so close, laughing at our youth, and the kiss I had the joy of sharing. I sat up and I could feel my cheeks heat up, I couldn't help but crack a smile, he was so wonderful. Lena busted through the door, "Get up!" she yelled "Get up!!" she grabbed me by the shoulder and pulled me to my feet. "Whats the hustle?" I asked unsure of her reason for such hurry. "Its almost 10!" she said as if it was supposed to have some significance, I was utterly confused. "So??" I inquired. She rolled her eyes and I was sure she could see the back of her skull, "Men usually show up for a visit at 10! Haven't you the slightest idea about courting?" I hadn't even thought about James coming for a visit, I had given him my address last night, but it didn't cross my mind that he would show up so soon, but Lena was right 10 was a polite time to show, and it was tea time. Lena looked at me for a moment, examining my face and running her fingers through my hair, she squinted her pale blue eyes and shook her head. "No." she spat. "You look shit. Get in the shower."

I quickly undressed and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and quite frankly I looked like I was on opium. I hopped in the shower, and no sooner had i got in, Lena knocked at the door telling me to "Hurry It UP!" I washed my ratted hair, and soaped my body. I got out of the shower and quickly combed through my hair, unsure of what to do with the curled heap. I wrapped myself in a towel and ran to my room, I decided to wear a simple white blouse with a green skirt, I didn't want to be too fancy, but I would hate to be under dressed. I ran back to the bathroom and tried to figure out what to do with my wild hair, and the bun was the way of choice. I came out to the parlor and Lena had already brewed the tea and cleaned her self up. "What time is it?" I asked eagerly "Ten after ten." she replied. My hearts pace quickened, and my stomach felt as though it were at my knees, I was nervous. He would finally see where, and how I lived. My sister and I shared a two bedroom house, after Alfred left, she wanted some company, so I sold my apartment and moved in, it was a quaint little house wedged between two others, and it wasn't anything fancy. I had gotten the impression that James had grown up in wealth, from his child hood stories, and from the fact that he was an officer, after all only the most educated men are able to join the war as officers.

There was a sharp knock a the door and I looked to my sister for some sort of advice, she looked at me and said "Just be yourself. He adored you last night, and that's exactly what you were." I smiled at her and headed towards the door, when I opened it James wasn't at my step, but a small envelope was. I grabbed it and brought it in, closing the door slowly behind me. To my relief it was addressed to me, not Lena. If it had been addressed to her there would've been only one reason for its arrival, that Alfred was dead, or wounded. I saw her eyes widen at the sight of the crisp white envelope, her neck stiffened, as if she was readying herself for a hit in the face. "It's for me." I assured her, a wave of relief crossed her face, but panic filled my mind. On the envelope was my name, scrawled in beautiful cursive, I knew it was from James, but I had no idea what was inside. "What is it?" Lena asked. "Read it for Pete's sake!"

I sat on the couch and opened the letter, I unfolded the parchment paper and let James words flow through my mind.

My Dearest Jane,  
This will be the first of many letters I will be writing to you, for I realize that our time together is limited, but our correspondence is not. I look forward to our next meeting with rabid egarness and I have an idea to propose. I couldn't help but notice the keen sense of adventure you carry, and I have come to realize over our short time together that you are quite the individual. This is why I would like to request your presence for a picnic. Please meet me at the market near the figs at 11:30, from there I will take you to an undisclosed location, don't worry I have no tricks up my sleeve. If you are unable to come, I understand, and I apologize for taking up your time. However, I will wait nonetheless, I hope to see you soon.  
Sincerely, Captain James Nicolls

 

"What does it say?" Lena exclaimed. I felt my cheeks run red, and my fave broke into a smile. "It says." I replied "That I'm going on a picnic."


	4. A lunch date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and James Have a Picnic

"A picnic?" Lena asked. "How romantic!" she started to dance around me going on about how her "little sister is finally going to settle down" and how she can finally be an aunt. I rolled my eyes at her silly spectacle and then I felt a sudden sense of dread. I had no idea how to go on a picnic in a romantic way. I remember going on picnics as a young girl with my grandparents and cousins,chasing butterfly's and caching beetles to put in my sisters hair, but this was obviously different. "How do you..." I asked Lena. "How do you picnic with a man you fancy?" she looked at me blankly for a moment and then erupted into a fit of laughter. "Sorry!" she managed between cackles "I forget how green you are in the area of...romance." I let out an offended "Ugh!" and she giggled. "Not to worry." she said. "all you have to do is talk about what you like, and of course eat, and you've got that down.." I opened my mouth to protest, "Kidding!" she shouted before I could speak. I sat quiet for a moment thinking about topics of discussion, then I asked "But what do I talk about?" she replied "You read, talk about books, you like music, so talk about music, talk about anything! Politics! cows!" she smiled at me warmly and said " Just be yourself, he seems like a smart man, and if he is as smart as I think he is, he will adore you." I smiled at her, she was the closest thing that I'd ever had to a proper, loving mother, and I knew I'd miss her when I left, more than anything. 

I walked out the door and down the steps of my front porch and headed towards the market place, silently wondering why we were meeting by the figs and if maybe he had an unnatural attachment to figs. Nonetheless I made my way through the streets and came upon the market place. I had absolutely no idea where the figs were. I began to walk up and down each aisle and I finally found the bloody figs. There wasn't a person in sight besides the old shop keeper. He was a short, stout, old man who seemed like he'd been a few fights in the last day or two. As I waited I chatted with the old man about the war, and the use of aeroplanes for the first time in warfare, he seemed to think of these "Flying Beasts" as some sort of witch craft, and refused to believe they could actually help. I soon found myself in an argument with the old man about the practicality of flying machines, and I hardly noticed James by my side. I turned to my left and saw him laughing, my face grew hot and I quickly eyed the ground. I'd just made a complete arse of myself. "Well." I heard James say, I looked at him, he was dressed in his uniform, I felt my face get hot once again, and I couldn't help but smile."I'd have to agree with this ravishing young lady.' He continued, "The use of warplanes will benefit the war effort in the long run, and I find them not only fascinating, but a great resource." he smiled at the man and bid him a good day. He turned to me and said "Hello my darling, already getting into a fight before you've made it to the war I see" I laughed and replied "I've gotta have some practice under my belt" he smiled at me, and let out an exasperated sigh. "There are more than one fig stands in this market place" he stated raising his basket in emphasis "There are 15 actually, so I apologize for my belated arrival, I had to check each one." He winked at me and asked "Are you ready?" I grabbed his free arm and nodded "I hope you don't mind a bit of a stroll." I told him I didn't mind at all, but I had completely underestimated what a "Bit of a stroll" meant. 

We must've walked at least 3 miles up hills, through woods, and over boulders the size of automobiles, I was thankful that I hadn't worn heeled shoes. We finally arrived into an open meadow full of green grass, that had a cliff on one side, and a wooded area on the other. He led me to the center of the meadow and he opened his basket, then he gave me this look of utter disappointment. For a moment I'd thought I'd done something wrong, he began to shake his head. "what!" I asked. He let out a small chuckle and replied "I forgot to pack a blanket!" I couldn't help but giggle, "No worries!" I said "A little bit of dirt never hurt anyone." He looked at me with wide eyes and that irresistible grin "I can give you my jacket to sit on." he offered "I don't want you to ruin your dress," "Oh no." I replied "you keep your jacket, me and my dress are fine." he shook his head again and joined me on the soft grass. He opened his basket an pulled out a loaf of bread, some ham, some butter, two apples and a bottle of champagne. "sorry.' He apologized "there isn't much with the war going on." "Looks like plenty to me." I replied. He reached in his basket again and pulled out a red rose, "This is for you." he said as he handed it to me. I was surprised at his notion. "It's beautiful," I said "Thank you so much" A smile spread across his face and he started to ask me questions. We spoke about literature and found that we both enjoyed Shakespeare and Leo Tolstoy. James opened the champagne and found that he'd also forgot glasses, we ended up sipping strait from the bottle. With each sentence we were lingering closer to one another,and We spoke of many things like music and the possibility of death in the war. We spoke for many hours on our dreams, and our thoughts on the political and economic state of Europe. We soon found the bottle of champagne empty and ourselves close enough to feel each others words on our faces, our voices dimmed to whispers, and our hands began to envelop one another. The tension between us became too strong to resist and we allowed our lips to meet in sweet harmony. We lay like this for some time, together, allowing ourselves to indulge in each other.


	5. Time to leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its time for Jane to go

James and I finally pulled apart after the sun had made its slow ascent, we sat up and stared into the darkening sky. We sat, his hand in mine, just gazing and pondering. He let out a sigh and I knew what was about to be said, it was what had to be said. "I don't to leave." James told me "I'm not scared, I just don't want to go." I looked at him "Why not?" I asked "Isn't that every boys dream? To fight gallantly for queen and country?" "well yes." he said "And I have no problem fighting, it's just," He paused and looked at the bright, waxing moon "Its just," he continued "war complicates things." I knew what he was getting at, we couldn't romance too easily with a war going on. "I know" I told him in a whisper. "I mean you're leaving tomorrow," He said. "And I want to continue romancing, but I know that It'll be hard, especially with both of us going overseas." I nodded in a quiet silence. His free hand rested on my thigh, and he turned to face me. "Would you be willing to try to make this work?" he asked " I understand that It'll be hard," "yes" I interrupted " I am more than willing" I gave him a smile and his eyes lit up. "well then." he said "looks like we're gonna make the mail boys bag a little bit heavier."

James and I hiked back down from our rendezvous spot, and we walked through the quiet, dimly lit London streets hand in hand. He walked me to my door and we sat on my front step, staring at the stars we would soon see in another land, "Tis not in the stars to hold our destiny, but in ourselves." James said. "Shakespeare," I replied. He tightened his grip on my hand, 'I'm going to miss you" I told him. "I will miss you as well my darling." he responded, "Will you allow me to take you to the station tomorrow?" "Of course." I spoke "Meet me here at a quarter to seven, my train leaves at nine." "Alright" he replied. We sat there in silence, my head resting on his shoulder. and his hands rubbing small circles onto mine.

"You know," he told me, "You are the most amazing, intelligent woman I have ever had the misfortune to meet. Now I say misfortune, because now I have someone to miss while I am away," I looked at this man whom I had just recently met, and whom I had spent much of my time with, and I felt the most intangible, feeling. I felt myself slipping like the cream from a young child,s cone, and I knew it was just a matter of time until I would splat onto the sidewalk.

"Oh James." I said. "I will miss you dearly" I was struggling to find the words to say, only three came to mind, but I couldn't make them form in my mouth.


	6. Farewell to France

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane is leaving to France, her sister and lover James have to say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From here I think this may turn into a series of letters written between Jane and James.Also with more backstory on both, and a continuous update on what is happening with each character. Thanks for reading! Also an explanation on the title: Poilu is a french term used during the war, it was a common nickname for the allied soldier, i believe that it actually meant "Hairy one" but nonetheless it was just another name for an infantry man during the first world war.

I woke as the sun was making its way over the rolling hills, sneaking through the meadow and creeping between the barren branches of the leafless trees. I rolled over feeling stiff,sore, and utterly tired. I finally roused myself enough to climb out of the mess of blankets, as I swung my legs over the edge of blanket I was wondering what I should expect. Would I have to be re trained? or would my previous experience suffice? How close would I be to the actual battles? My mind filled with the questions I had been pushing out for the past few days, and I finally began to understand the severity of my situation. I had been so caught up in wanting to help other people that I didn't think about every aspect of my decision. I began to feel a lump in my throughout, but I managed to halt the oncoming emotional storm. 'You've gotten yourself into this' I told myself 'You chose this, now you're in it for good. So you're gonna go, and you are going to do a damn good job, because this isn't about you. You are going to help, so you're gonna do just that. And you're damn sure not going to cry.' 

After my near sobbing experience I managed to get out of bed and put on my blue and white nurses uniform, I packed the second uniform into the small army duffel bag I had been issued. I made my way into the parlor and Lena was waiting there, her eyes were puffy and it was evident that she had been crying, whether it was on my or Alfred's behalf however was not for me to know. "I have a gift for you." she said solemnly. She went into her bedroom and came out with a small leather bound book. "It's a journal." she explained "I figure that there will probably be days that you aren't able to write to me, so you can write here and just tell me when you get back." She handed me the journal along with two pencils and a sharpener, It was an amazing gift, and much more than she could afford. I looked at my sister, and I smiled as my throat began to tighten and my eyes began to become overwhelmed with tears. I had promised myself I wouldn't cry, but these tears needed to make their way towards the floor. I brought her into a forceful embrace, and I began to cry into her small frame. She held me tight, and her hand stroked my hair as my body heaved with each sob. "I'm honestly terrified." I finally admitted "It wasn't real until this morning. And I am so scared." I let my tears cover my face and drip from my chin. "I know." she told me. "But You are already braver than me, and I won't lie, you will see things you won't want to see, and you may have to do things you don't want to do, and for that I am sorry. But you will help so many who are in need, the goodness you will bring will overpower the bad."I finally lifted my head from her shoulder and wiped the few remaining tears from my face. "You will be just fine" she reassured me "You are smart, and you're already crazy, so you don't have to worry about coming back sane." I let out a laugh and called her an ass. "I'm going to miss you." i told her "I'm going to miss you too you brat" she replied. I gave Lena another hug "I'll write as much as I can." I reassured her. "You'd better" she responded. We were both awful with goodbye, but we knew it would be a stretch before we saw eachother again. I gathered my small bit of luggage; my duffel bag, and journal, and I looked at my small flat one last time. "I love you" I told my sister, "I love you too" she said. I headed out the door and shouted back "I'll see you soon"

I made my way down our front steps and I looked around for a tall handsome soldier. I didn't see him but I knew he would turn up within the next few moments, lateness didn't really seem to be his style. As I waited I looked up at the grey sky with its churning clouds, and almost eternal storm bearing nature. I wondered what the sky would be like in France, would it be the same? "Jane" said a voice behind me, I turned around to see a handsome soldier with a handful of pink tulips. I could feel my cheats heat up and my eyes widen, "James!" I exclaimed "wha-" "These are for you my darling." He explained "I am also just realizing that you can't take these with you, so I'll drop them off at your house later for your sister to have" I let out a chuckle and started to fondle one of the tulips, I gave it a quick sniff "They are so beautiful" I told him "Thank you" He smiled at me "Of course" he said "A beautiful bouquet for a beautiful girl." I looked up at him and grinned as I felt my pink cheeks succumb to yet another shade of red.

We walked with my arm in his and talked of many things, what France would be like, how we would continue to keep in touch, and how it was crazy how our feelings had so quickly materialized. As we walked the bitter ending to our short romance was eminent and quickly approaching. We arrived to where I was supposed to report, and there was quite the array of people there. I saw only a few other nurses, but for the most part the building was full of young boys and somber mothers. "well If its alright with you I'll wait with you until you get called." I nodded and took a deep breath.

The roll call started soon after we arrived and they started with the A's. I stood there swaying back and forth, I let my mind compose pictures of what the field hospital might look like. I imagined white tent with a red cross on the roof, and a clean, white interior. I liked to think that it would be a sterile environment, I knew however that it wasn't likely to be sterile, much less clean in any form. 

As I was lost in my thoughts I had hardly noticed that they were already on the B's. I turned and looked at James, he gave me a thin smile and wrapped his arm around my waist. we stood with no thoughts or words between us, just the steady call of name's and replies of "present."   
"Jane Carter." I heard my name called. I raised my hand and called out "Present!" I stood there on my tippie toes for a moment as i let my hand fall back to my side. This was it, the time was upon us, and all i could do was wish him a bitter farewell. I turned to James who was staring at his combat boots, and I gathered my bag.  
"let me walk you to the ship?" he inquired. "Of course" I told him. He grabbed my bag from my hands, and grabbed my hand with his free hand. We walked slowly to the port, with just a silence and my bag. We stopped at the boardwalk and he pulled me into his arms, his grip around me tightened and I held onto him as long as I could. He kissed the top of my head, and we pulled apart. "I am going to miss you," he told me "immensely."

"I'm going to miss you as well" I told him. The boarding area had begun to become more and more crowded, and the ship had slowly begun to fill. "well" he said "you'd better get on so you at leas have a seat." "I suppose so" I told him, wishing that maybe he wold stall just a bit longer. He brushed my dirty hair behind my ear, and placed his thumb and forefinger on my chin. His eyes had never looked so blue, they were almost misty, but i broke his gave as he pulled me into a farewell kiss. As his lips met mine I threw my arms around his neck and he moved his hands to my waist. I knew then that I loved him, and I knew that it was going to be a long, painful trip to France. 

When we parted I gathered my things, "Goodbye." I told James "Until next time my darling" he replied. I waved at him and climbed onto the ship. I made my way to my cabin and threw my duffle bag onto the bed. I thought to myself "So it begins"


	7. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> France is a bloody mess. Just a warning this is a slightly graphic chapter, I want to portray this story as if it were real, so I chose to write it how it was. The harsh reality of WW1 was that many men died, and this chapter portrays the truth.

I looked down at my bloodstained apron, and I reveled at the blood that covered my hands, and had managed to get into my unwashed hair. I had been on shift for over 24 hours now, and the casualties just kept coming. Young men, barely men, were coming in by the hundreds missing limbs, torn up by machine guns, blinded by the skin blistering mustard gas, and I remembered each one. I had become stoic, my training had been brief, and after two weeks at a base near Paris I was shipped out to a field hospital near Verdun, every day and every night I can hear the earth shattering cracks, and bangs of the constant shell fire, wondering how much closer Fritz intended to get.

 

I haven't heard from James since I left and its been a month, I sent him a letter when I arrived at the hospital, but it most likely didn't make it to him for sometime. The days just keep getting longer, and the German defense is getting more resilient with each artillery barrage. I finally got off shift, and went to my bunk to change into a slightly less bloody uniform. We only had laundry once a week, so the blood stayed around longer than its owner. As I was changing, the Mail came; I looked at my watch and realized that it was early morning, and I was eager to receive a letter. But again no letter came. I was almost angry at this point, had our time together really meant nothing? I wished I could see him and demand an explanation, and I sure hoped he had a damn good one... I snapped out of my small fit and I felt almost selfish for being angry, I actually began to worry about what his explanation would be. "I was wounded" I can picture him saying as he hobbles over to me on two crutches, and one leg. I can see him with his misty blue eyes filled with the ten thousand yard stare, looking for things he could never see because he hadn't gotten his mask on in time. I made myself sick thinking of all the viable excuses he could have, so I set myself strait and began the eager wait yet once again.

 

I was on shift again in 12 hours, and I designated a full 11 hours to sleeping. When I had first arrived the artillery had kept me awake, and I would rise scared and sleepless. But I had become accustomed to the constant mortars that plauged the area. I fell asleep almost instantaneously and I didn't wake until precisely 11 hours later. I rose to more shells and screaming men, and I headed to the mess tent to get some breakfast before a long nights work. I had a lukewarm cup of weak coffee and a bowl of porridge that would put little miss muffin to shame. I returned to my bunk and tried to freshen up my appearance, though I looked like hell, I figured these boys deserve to see a face at least a little less dirty than usual. I was on shift in a few moments and i pulled out the journal that Lena had given to me, I d been putting in at least a few words everyday, but I was scared I would fill it too quickly, and that it would be a while before I could get another.I had written to Lena a couple times, and she seemed to be doing alright, just lonely.

 

My shift began, and do my mind went into its stoic state and I did my best to calm and help the patients. I assisted in emergency surgery's, holding men down while we cut their mangled limbs away, I tended to the walking wounded, and the men who were recovering from shell shock. The worst part though was when I could do nothing more than make a man comfortable, I would give him a large dose of morphine, and at times they would ask me to sit with them, and I would hold their hand as they asked me what death was like, to pray with them, and some would just weep into my hands until they lost consciousness. I could never let a man die alone, especially not over here in a land that wasn't their own, so sometimes when I wasn't on shift I would sit with the dying and answer their questions that I didn't know how to answer.

 

I had gotten off yet another long painful shift, and I returned to my bunk. I began to unbuckle my shoes when mail came round again. "Carter" the mail boy yelled. I shot up, hoping it was a letter from james, "Yea!" I said raising my hand. He handed me two small envelopes, the first was from my sister, and the second was from my lover. I tore open the second envelope, and I began to read his words, it readd:

_"My Dearest Jane,_

_I assume that it will take a few days for this letter to reach you, but I want you to know that you fill my thoughts often._

_I received you letter and i was so pleased to find that you were still willing to continue our correspondence. I've been very_

_busy lately, fighting the Boche and all, and though the rainy shell filled nights get lonely, I hold onto the thought of you._

_hope that all is well, and I hope Fritz isn't giving you too much trouble. I haven't anything revolutionary or profound to say,_

_but I have enclosed a small drawing of my dear Joey to keep you company. I've begun to read Dickens, and I highly recommend_

_his work, but I read this line and I wanted to share it with you. "And yet I have had the weakness, and have still the weakness, to_

_wish you to know with what a sudden mastery you kindled me, heap of ashes that I am, into fire" My mind wandered to you_

_as I read those words, and I leave them as my parting words to you. Stay safe Jane, I look forward to seeing you again._

_Yours truly,_

_James_

 

My heart filled with anguish and joy. Oh how I missed him, and Oh how I loved him...


	8. James

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is written from James point of view.

The days have somehow gotten longer and the nights even colder. Its mid November and the ground is frozen at dawn but melted into a muddy mess that will swallow a man to his knees. The fighting has been tough and we haven't gained any more than half a mile in what must be weeks of fighting. The Germans are tough, I'll give them that, but they won't budge and were running low on everything, bullets, socks,food, water, and worse, men. We seem to be getting a shipment of new recruits every week but they don't last more than a few days at the most. They don't know how to judge the distance of mortars by sound yet, so they take cover when they should run, and they run when they should take cover. They don't know when to take their gas masks off and how the gas lies in low areas of the trench , so they remove their masks too early and scorch their throats. They die so easily and so horrifically and there is nothing anyone can do to save them.

I've seen twelve men go mad out here. Some from the constant shelling, they twitch and shake constantly, like they've no control over their body, like its become stuck it its quivering scared state.Others have completely lost it, screaming and trying so hard to run off, we do our best to catch them and calm them down, but even after their initial excitement has died out, they never really go back to the way they were. Many men are cynical, saying that "Were dead already" and we all need to "Just accept it."

I've seen more men die than horses, but as Cynical and awful as it sounds Ive gotten used to seeing men die, but I don't ever think I'll ever get used to seeing horses die. There is just something so unsettling about such huge, strong creatures going down that make a man feel weak in his knees. The worst is seeing them suffer, you can see the fear in their eyes and the sounds they make will cause a mans stomach to churn and his eyes to water.

It's gotten tough, living in the constant wet, and death, some days I 'm sure I'm the next the ol' reaper is going to come after. But the one thing that keeps me going is the thought of seeing Jane again, her beautiful face lighting up when we meet, and the way it will feel when I can pull her into my arms once again. I haven't heard from her in some time and I constantly worry. Verdun isn't exactly in a safe zone, the fight is less than a mile away and I'm terrified she'll be hit by a mortar, or the hospital will be captured. She is the light at the end of the tunnel. She shines for me in the darkest of nights and she is my reward for the shit I have to wade through here. But for her, I'd wade through miles of muck and blood, even if it meant I only got to see her face once more.

Its been a long day, its been pouring rain for hours, leaving me soaked to the bone. I got back to my quarters and I noticed a letter on my cot. My heart leapt and I snatched it up.

"Dear James,  
I know this won't get to you for sometime, but I hope it makes your day when it does. I loved you last letter and I think I've re-read it a hundred times. I think of you every single day, through every shift, every surgery, and every brief sleep, you are with me. I know that things must be tough out there, I read every report I can, and even though I know you don't want me to worry, I still do. Things have gotten busier here which I know isn't a good sign, but I suppose it keeps me busy. I pray for you every day. You are what gets me through each day James, the thought of you keeps me sane. If I'm being honest James I'm so terrified of loosing you it makes me sick. Please please be safe darling, please come back to me.  
All my love, Jane."

My heart sang a song of joy and despair, and I felt my eyes become wet. I wept. My eyes have filed to their brim and hot tears are streaming down my face. I try to catch my breath so my sobs aren't so loud, but I can't. If there is one place a man isn't judged for crying, its here, its war. I compose my self when I hear a knock at the door. I wipe my eyes and answer it, "Captain." A left tenant solutes me. I return the gesture. "Were moving out in the morning" he stated " Orders from up the chain." He handed me an envelope, soluted, and left.

I tore open the envelope with dread, and read where we were headed. Verdun. I gasped. The fact that they are sending out battalion to Verdun means that the fighting is getting closer to Jane and I am so worried. Regardless I hope I can see her and hold her again, but I have to de-breif my men, for we leave in the morning.


	9. Home and the Handkerchief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heads up this chapter is a little sad.  
> Jane gets three letters and a gift, reminds of home, thinks of the future, and wonders what the next few weeks will hold.

The battle is inching closer with each day, an the allies have lost ground. The shells have gotten closer, it obvious by the screaming they make as the barrel towards the earth, and the way they shake the ridge poles of the hospital tents. Im terrified the tents are going to come crashing down, leaving us soaked with rain and covered with mud. We've already had to patch three of the tents, and the glue won't set because of the moisture. Everything, and everyone is constantly soaked. Three nurses have gotten trench foot, and they won't send you to an army base unless the wounds are very serious, or you've contracted something contagious. I haven't gotten sick yet, but I've always had a stronger immune system than most, probably due to the fact we grew up poor country kids, were always exposed to the cold and always hanging out with our sick neighbors and dirty animals. Lena and I never talk about it, but we had an older brother. His name was cooper and he died of Scarlet fever when he was 10, Lena and I were young when he got sick, she was 8 and I was 6.I got sick too, but I somehow managed to get over it, but I still remember him vividly though, he looked just like our father, had the same crooked smile and pale blue eyes. He would always make time to play with me, and would bring me beautiful moss covered rocks, I still have most of them. I keep them in an old cigar box atop my bookshelf. I always wonder what he would've been like if he had gotten to grow up, I like to think he would've been a writer, he always made up stories to tell to Lena and I, and he learned to read so early on. He was smart and brave, he probably would've been one of the first ones to volunteer. I could see him walking through the mud and water filled shell holes, with his crooked smile and his beautiful eyes, but perhaps its best he's not here, he doesn't have to see the hell that has become many peoples worlds.

Since the fighting has gotten closer, the number of patients have gone up in number. We get more severe cases as our men loose more ground and I always see Jameses face in each man I treat. I still haven't gotten a wink of sleep in what must be months, I wake from nightmares of James getting gassed or hit by a shell, and having seen those types of wounds makes my dreams more vivid and real.

"Mail!" I hear the post boy call. I sit patiently on my cot, waiting for my letters, twisting the ring that used to belong to my grandmother. "Carter." he calls, tossing three letters onto my lap. One is from Lena, and I open that one first.  
"Dear Jane,  
I miss you terribly and I hope you are doing well. How do they treat you there? Is the country beautiful? I can't wait until you come home on leave, I miss having you here, I get quite lonely you know. I've been reading quite a lot, most recently a book called "the call of the wild" by Jack London. I think you'd quite like it, so I've put it aside for when you get back. I enclosed a handkerchief I embroidered for you, and I hope you like it. I know you're doing what you feel is right, and I support you, but please please come back to me whole.  
All my love, Lena."

I pulled out the blue handkerchief and rubbed the material between my fingers, I missed Lena, but I had been trying to put that away. Come to think of it, I've been pushing all of my emotions away, i haven't let myself cry in weeks. I pulled the handkerchief up to my nose and I smelled it, the familiar scent of tea and sage filled my nose. I missed home, the smell, the cold tiles of the bathroom, the icebox that leaked, and even the three crumbling front steps. I felt like a child, one who was homesick for the first time. I felt the tears welling up in my eyes and they began to roll off my cheeks, I leaned into my pillow to suppress the sounds coming from my sobs.

After allowing myself to cry, and to feel what I had made myself suppress for so long. I sat upright again and pulled my legs up to my chest. I looked at the other two letters at the foot of my bed. One was my paycheck, which I shoved into my pillowcase, making a mental note to get that sent home in the next day. The last letter, was from James.

I don't know why I felt such hesitation to open it, but I had to take a breath and almost force myself to break the seal. I opened it and hastfully began to read it.

"My Dearest Jane,  
I have news. As you may have noticed the war has been headed your way, towards Verdun and so am I. My Unit is being stationed near your hospital, and I will do my damnedest to see you. Since I'm an officer, I should be allowed to get a couple of day passes so I may come to you. Though I am so happy to be nearer to you, I am also gravely worried. I don't like the thought of you being so close to the danger, and so near the enemy. If I can make arrangements to have you transferred elsewhere I would like to do so, with your permission of course. I miss you more than word could ever begin to describe, and I long for nights like the ones we shared in London, I wish to hold you safely in my arms once more. After this damned war is finished, I swear I will never let anyone, or anything hurt you, I won't let you out of my sight, and we will be so happy. I cannot wait until the day. I love you my dear, please keep safe and write soon.  
Love always, James."

I furrowed my brow and pursed my lips. The tears began once more, falling onto the faint pencil of the letters. I had seen so many men torn to pieces, and though I hoped to see him, I prayed it was under my terms and not the wars. I would refuse his offer to transfer me, I couldn't leave, especially not now, because if he was to come through that tent door, I would be the first to treat him. I let my mind wander to thoughts of life after the war, and I pulled the handkerchief to my face, allowing myself to breath the scent of home as I drifted to sleep.


	10. Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane asks some questions and gets some big answers.

I began the say as every other. Putting on my stained and bloody uniform, and my shoes with no socks, as I wore holes in my last pair, the last time I put them on my foot ran clean through them. They stopped making us wear stockings ages ago, but some of the newer nurses still fuss with them. A couple of the girls with trench foot finally got sent home for some R&R, so we've got two new nurses that came to take their place, one by the name of Maudie and the other is Francine. They seem alright, they're a tad jumpy, but they'll get over that soon. Maudie and I had an instant connection and she reminds me of my cousin Grace, she's a funny girl who doesn't seem to give...well a shit. She's got a good head on her shoulders, and it'll be refreshing to have some humor around here again, at least for a while, eventually even the funniest of girls stop laughing. Francine is a nice girl, but she's very quiet and somewhat hesitant, she's already been yelled at by the head nurse for being slow, sooner or later shell figure it out, or she won't, and she'll be on the next ship home.

It always breaks my heart seeing gals like that end up here, you know they mean well, but working this close to the lines isn't for the faint hearted, or for that matter, the faint in general. Ive been asking around about the movement of troops lately, seeing if anyone knows anything of James. I can tell something big happened today because of the influx of wounded, and the rapid rate of death. We never get told about whats going on out there, apparently their worried that were going to become hysterical or something. My superiors won't tell me a thing, they just respond with "That is nothing for women to ask about." or "This is not women business." It gets hard out here being a woman, it took me two months before they'd let me administer medication on my own, and even though we are constantly filthy, we're still held to a standard of personal cleanliness and will be reprimanded if its not met. Regardless, I am here to do my job, and if that means that I have to follow the rules of these patronizing asses, then I will.

"Hey," I hear a weak voice coming from the bed next to me. "miss." it repeats. I take a couple of steps and kneel as the edge of his cot. "Would you sit with me a while?" I've just gotten off shift, so I have the time. "Of course," I tell him. "How are you feeling?" He gives me a borderline toothless smile. He has a bandage around his head, from shrapnel, and he has a nasty gash in his right leg, that runs almost the length of his calf, it'll be a miracle if we can save it. "I'm okay ma'am," I give him a smile and pull a crate from beneath the bed to sit on. "You got yourself a fella?" he asks, widening his eyes. I laugh and tell him that yes I do have a "fella." "Well good." he replies, his eyes gleaming in the lantern light. "A pretty girl like you should always have a fella," "Do you have a girl back home?" I ask. His face lightens up, and his toothy smile widens. "I sure do." he said proud and matter of factly, "Her name is Bernadete, she's the most beautiful girl in london if you believe it." I let out a laugh, "I sure do believe it." His eyes get a little misty "I'm gonna marry her when I get back." he states "The damn first moment I see her I'm gonna ask her. She's a librarian you know, she's so smart. could spell any word, and she even knows how to use a type writer." He looked so proud, his smile never fading as he spoke of her. "She sounds like a lucky gal, to have someone brave as you." I tell him. He grins again, "You really think that?" I nod. "Tell me about your man, is he fighting?"

"He is." I tell him "His name is James, and he's in the Cavalry." "Really!?" he asks. "I'm in the cav too! A lot of us here are. Darling, whats your fellas last name?" The smile seemed to fade from his face and his brow furrowed. "James Nicholls. Captain." I tell him with a lump beginning to swell in my throat. The man grabs my hand and I realize that I don't even know his name. He hold on, and I begin to cry. "Sshhh, dear. I'll tell you what I know. There is a chance he's okay, but I can't promise you anythin." His lips pursed together and he swallowed. "James led the charge today, we didn't have good intel. His superior overruled his protests, and said we were to go and do our duty. There were three machine guns waiting for us." I began to sob, grasping this poor mans hand tightly. " I was 10 yards behind him, and I saw him go down, his horse didn't go down with him, and believe it or not thats usually a good sign" I couldn't control my heaves and I began to feel like I was going to vomit. "After the attack, most of us were brought here, but most officers were taken to an airfield near Verdun." I caught my breath, and asked. "Did you see him get picked up?" The man shook his head. "Theres a good chance he's at that air strip. Tomorrow, I'll ask round for ya, yeah?" I nodded. "Thank you" I said, barely a whisper. He nodded and squeezed my hand. "James is a good man you know." I nodded again, tears streaming down my face. "He's always the first one into a battle and the last one out, one of the bravest soldiers, and the best officers I've had. He's a tough bastard too. Darlin, he's lucky to have a gal like you, I'll get all the information I can okay?" I let the tears fall, and I kept hold of his hand. He didn't let go, and I didn't get up from the crate, I rested my head on the edge of his cot and cried. He didn't let go, holding my hand through the night and we both cried, hoping the war wouldn't take the things we love most.


	11. Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane gets some answers to some questions

I woke up to Maudie shaking me. "Jane!" she's whispering loudly. "Jane your shift is starting, what the hell are you doing?" I untangled my arm from the man laying in the cot and wiped the saliva from the edge of my mouth. I stood up, feeling my puffy eyes and the lump already to begin to form even though I hadn't been awake for even a full minute. Maudie looked at me, raising a brow. "Are you okay?" The tears began to fill my eyes and I shook my head no. She pulled me in to a hug. "James?" she asked. I could only nod. I pulled away from her embrace and piled my eyes, taking deep breaths trying to compose myself. "I'd better get to work" I tell her. She nods and pats me on the back. The day goes by and somehow I manage to put it out of my mind. I keep busy and its a wonder hoe that pushes everything else from your mind.

After my shift I go to the man I had talked to the night before. "Hey darlin." he says as I pull the crate over to sit on once more. "What news have you got?" I asked. He looked at me and gave me a slight smile " I asked around and Henry over there with the missing ear said that he thinks he saw him getting loaded up on the ambulance with the other officers." My heart jumped, and eyes widened. "A couple of other guys have said the same thing. So there is a good chance that he's over at the airfield." I smiledm "thank you so much." I exclaimed. He put his hand up, "Hold up," he said "I just want you to understand that nobody knows how bad the boche got him, so I don't want to give you false hope okay?" He was right, this didn't mean that he was alive, it just meant that he was seen being put on an ambulance. I nodded, and he grabbed my hand again. "By the way" he said "My name is Walter." I smiled at him. "Thank you Walter, for everything." I stated. He nodded and smiled in return. "Now, you'd better figure out how to get over to that airfield miss."

They usually give us weekend passes and allow us to go into town, but lately the hospital had been so swamped that they'd all been revoked. I was hoping that they'd let us have one after things had slowed down, but none came. I finally got the nerve to ask a surgeon why we hadn't been given a pass. "Look." he said "I know its not ideal, but apparently next weekend they are giving some nurses a four day pass to makeup for not getting one this week, so I'm sure you'll get a long weekend next week." I told him thanks and began plotting how to get to the airfield.

"So how far is the airfield?" I asked Walter. He let out a sigh and scratched at the dirty bandage around his head. "Its not too far from Verdun, a couple miles west I would guess, into the woods almost." I nodded. He glanced up at me, and for the first time I noticed his dark green eyes, so dark you almost thought them to be brown. His mouth spread into a grin. "You know," He began "Its really special that you care so much about your fella, and that you aint giving up on him." I smiled in return, "Thanks Walter. Im sure your girl back home would do the same for you." He grinned again, "I know she would, but that doesn't make it any less special, or any less brave."

The days seemed to drag on, but then again don't they all? I would spend most of my time off shift talking with Walter, and we began to become great friends. My supervisor Edna told me I was being "Inappropriate" and that Walter was going to "Get the wrong impression." But Walter assured her that it was purely platonic, and she left us alone, save a few sideways glances and raised eyebrows in our direction. As the weekend drew nearer, I waited for my pass and began to get anxious. It wasn't until the end of my shift early Thursday morning that I got my weekend pass. And there it said "4 days"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading,I hope you're enjoying it, there is much more to come! I would love to know what you think! Any feedback good or bad is greatly appreciated!


	12. Pilots and plots

I got dressed and tried to smooth out my reckless curls in the small mirror, before I made my way in to the town of Verdun. I was able to catch a ride with some other nurses in the bed of an old farm truck-turned troop transport. My stomach felt like a whiz bang, sparking and twisting as it fell towards the earth. I didn't look at the other girls in the truck in fear that I may cry or loose the strange momentum I seemed to have in my chest. I just stared ahead at the road falling behind us and held on tightly to the book I carried between my hands. The truck came to a stop and the other nurses started to get up and shake the dust from their skirts. "Well here we are gals." I heard one of them say. I got to my feet and hopped out onto the ground. The truck took off and I dusted off my skirt and headed for the market to get a couple of sweets for James and a couple extra in case I had to bribe someone to let me into the airfield. I exited the store and jumped when a bell rang as it closed, I suppose I wasn't used to loud sounds not being deadly. 

I walked sown the street until I came to a sign pointing me in the direction of the airfield, so I followed the road that was heavily forested on either side. It was a nice walk, refreshing. I used to roam the forest with my sister and brother as a young girl looking for mushrooms and funny shaped rocks. I smiled as I walked thinking back to the simpler time. I heard footsteps to my left and watched as a man came out of the forest carrying a basket. I took a step back and reached for the small knife I carried in my waistband. He raised his hands and his eyes widened. We stood there for a moment looking like arses I'm sure, then he began to laugh. I relaxed as he spoke "I'm no boche." he said with a smile "But I can appreciate your alertness." I looked at the man, he was short, not shorter than me, but short in comparison to most men. He was wearing a blue uniform, and spoke with a french accent, with a hint of...something else. "Sorry" I replied "I find that I'm always on edge you know?" He blinked, "Believe me, I do." he replied holding out his hand. "My name is Eugene. I'm a pilot with the Lafayette escadrille." I smiled and shook his hand "Jane." I responded. "I'm a nurse at the field hospital just outside Verdun." he nodded. "What brings you to the airfield?" I looked at my feet and felt my throat tighten. "I'm looking for someone." I explained. "Ah." he replied swinging the basket as we walked. "Is he a pilot? perhaps I can help you locate him." I took a deep breath. "No. He's a cavalry officer actually, he was wounded in a charge about a week back and I heard that some officers were brought here." I looked at him searching his face for any kind of hope. He just nodded and pursed his lips, as if thinking. "We have had a few. I haven't seen or met any of them, but I can take you to where they are at yes?" "Thank you." I replied. Again he nodded.

We walked in silence for a couple dozen yards and then i noticed he had a few mushrooms in his basket. "So you're a mushroom hunter?" I motioned toward his basket. He looked up, seeming surprised at the comment. "I am." he stated, clearing his throat. "You?" "When I can, yes." I told him about roaming the forests for them and my father cooking them and throwing away all of the poisonous ones wed picked. Eugene laughed and told me similar stories of growing up with his grandparents in France and having his grandmother make him go out, and telling him "You'd better not come back with an empty basket." The conversation was a nice distraction from the fear coiled beneath my bones as we neared the airfield.

The woods on either side of us began to thin and gave way to a large airstrip composed of flat, green grass and dirt. There was a hangar, and a fence surrounding the perimeter of the field. "Come this way." Eugene advised, motioning towards the hangar. He walked with haste, and I had to jog just to keep up with him. We rounded the corner and saw several men standing near a areoplane, two of the four wearing oil covered mechanic suits. They all greeted Eugene and he spoke quickly and quietly to them, while they nodded and looked my way. Eugene turned to me and motioned for me to come closer. "I am Jauque." One of the mechanics said, offering his hand. He pointed to the men next to him "That is Claude, William, and Norman." I shook each of their hands, "I am Jane." I stated nervously. They all smiled at me, and Eugene led me away from the men into a small office.

"Sit here" He said pulling out a small wooden chair from a round table. "Coffee?" he offered. I accepted and he left and returned with a small cup. "What is the nam of the man you're looking for again?" He asked. "Captain James Nicholls" I responded, taking a sip from the steaming mug. He nodded and left. I sat in the room for a few minutes twiddling my thumbs, smoothing out my skirt, and trying my best to calm my raging nerves. Eugene returned. "He is here." he said. I stood up, knocking the chair on the ground. "Come" Eugene said.


	13. Morphine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane is finally reunited with James!

I followed Eugene out of the small room and into the hangar. The mechanics surrounding the Neuiports and SPADs nodded at me, some playing with the greasy rags in their hands, others smoking their rationed cigarettes. "Come on" Eugene motioned towards himself. I picked up my pace, my uniform shoes clicking behind him, and I could feel the lump in my throat swell with each step I took. We left the hangar and headed towards a house that I assumed was the barracks. I fought to keep up with Eugene, he was barley taller than me, but somehow had a stride of a man twice his size. We came to a small oak door and Eugene knocked. A small wire framed woman opened the door just a crack and peaked through whispering something in french. Eugene responded in french, their hushed tones were starting to worry me. I looked down at my dress and started pulling at my hair, wondering if the braid I had done earlier was still in tact. I felt an arm touch my wiast.

"He's just through here." Eugene pushed me gently towards the door. I felt panic rising up in me, I wasn't sure why but I looked back at him for some kind of support. He gave me a slight smile, "Would you like me to come with you?" he asked through raised eyebrows. I shook my head no. He nodded in response and gave me a warm smile and a wink, I took a shaky breath and swallowed the fear coiled in my stomach.

The wiry woman took me through the door into the dimly lit front room. The house must have been part of a large estate, beautiful intricate rugs lined the wooden floors, and carved moulding peaked out from where the ceilings and walls met. The house was still fully furnished with some of the most beautiful sofas and shelved I'd ever seen. The woman must've seen me gawking at all the lavish pieces. "The house was given to us to use as a hospital." she said. I looked at her face and saw the uncanny tiredness that was in my eyes, she was a young woman, but the war had made her older, like me. I nodded in reply and she took me down a hall. She opened a door to a room with six beds, my eyes began to frantically search for James. The woman grabbed my arm and pointed to a bed at the far end of the large room. "Thank you." I whispered to her. She nodded, closing the door behind her.

I walked to the end of the room, looking at the tag at the foot reading "NICOLLS" I looked up at his face and sure enough it was him. He was asleep with bandages around his torso, three red circles seeping their way though the gauze. His left arm was wrapped in a cast, along with his left leg which was elevated in a sling. His face was just as I had remembered it, with the exception of a deep gash on the left side of his forehead. He must have fallen off Joey and onto his left side. I didn't want to wake him, so I looked around for a chair. A couple of the other men in th room were awake and looking at me, I smiled at them and found a chair to set next to James's bed. 

"Miss" I looked up unaware of where the voice was coming from. "Miss?" I heard again. I got up and noticed a young man, who seemed far younger was the one calling me. I walked over to the edge of his bed and looked at the gauze around his chest. It was no longer white. "What can I do for you?" I asked. He gave me a weak smile "Are you a new nurse?" he asked. "No I'm not." I told him. "I'm a nurse in another hospital, I'm just visiting my..." What was he? We weren't married, nor technically engaged... "Your man, ma'am?" he interrupted my thought. "Yes" I smiled. The young boy gave me a crooked grin, "He's a lucky fella." I let out a quiet laugh and a "thank you." 

"Ma'am I don't want to take you away from your fella, but could you get a doctor or a nurse? Or better yet, some morphine? This chest wound I'm afraid has gotten very bad." I could see the pain in his face, but I knew like in every other hospital there were limited amounts of morphine, but I knew I had some in my field first aid they issued me.I had to give it to him, this poor lad wasn't going to make it home. I told him I would be right back and rummaged through my pack and pulled it out. I gave it to the young man and he smiled and muttered a thanks at me as he drifted into a morphine induced sleep.

I returned to my seat and waited for James to wake up. I waited for hours, the nurses had come and changed dressings on several men, and they wheeled the young man off to what I assumed was the dying room. They separated the dying from the not yet dying so men wouldn't have to watch their comrades die, and to keep their morale up. The sun had gone down long ago, and it was beginning to shine the tips of its rays over the tops of the trees. I had slept little in the chair, but I couldn't let my self sleep for long. 

Just as the sun made its way into the room I heard James stir. He slowly began to open his eyes and take in his surroundings. He looked at me and smiled, then his eyes widened with excitement. "Oh my God." He managed "Oh Jane!"


	14. Anything for a friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jane and James make up for lost time, Jane ponders a transfer.

I looked into his brilliant blue eyes. "James." was all I could manage. I held his face in my hands and pressed my cheek up to his, feeling the fever that burns beneath his skin. "James!" I exclaimed again, "I thought I had lost you." He gave me a wide grin and took my hand in his, it was cold and clammy, but it made my heart fill. "My darling," He whispered, his chapped lips forming the words I had imagined him saying for so long. "You haven't lost me, Im here, and I promise, I'll never put you through that again."

It had been a few hours since James had woken, and I could feel the color that constantly littered my cheeks with each word and gaze shared between each other. "Jane." James said. "You know you're the reason I'm still here, you were what kept me motivated, you gave me hope during all those nights when I was knee deep in mud, praying that I would get to see you at least once more." I smiled at him, squeezing highly on his hand. "You're the reason I haven't gone insane." I admitted. He let out a laugh, "Why's that darling?" he asked, stroking my face with a finger. "Well, there have been times these past few months I wanted to go absolutely mad, but then I realized that you probably wouldn't want to come home to a lunatic." James laughed harder, flinching as the action hurt his wounds. "Sorry." I muttered. He shook his head at me, "Don't be. I'd still love you, lunatic or not." He was drawing circles on the back of my hand, and I couldn't help but lean into him. Our lips finally met, after so many disgusting months. He kissed me gently, slowly, but carefully. I was careful not to touch any of his wounds, but I couldn't help the feeling of wanting to melt into him.

I pulled away to the sound of clapping. I looked up and the men around us were giving us a round of applause. I felt my face go flush as they hollered "Atta boy James!" and whistled. James put his good arm up, chuckling, and motioning for them to keep it down. He rolled his eyes "Sorry, these fellas haven't seen much in the way of women in quite a few months, and they seemed to have lost their manners!" his voice raised lightheartedly with the last word of his sentence. I laughed and nodded to them. "How are you feeling?" I asked, brushing the hair from his face. It was much longer than it was when I'd last seen it. "Apart from needing a slightly better haircut, I'm absolutely rolling." He grinned at me, fixing his blue eyes to mine. "Jane, I've missed you so much." I tighten my grip on his hand and leaned forward, "I've missed you too." I let James rest and went to the mess to grab a bite to eat and hopefully a coffee and I saw Eugene. I made my way to his table and sat down next to him, he was reading a book with a light blue cover, though I couldn't read the french title. "Hello." he states, setting down his book and taking a bit out of an apple. "Hello" I smiled. "I can tell by the lack of tears that your man is just fine huh?" he said with a bite of apple still in his mouth. I nodded with a smile. "He is." "I'm glad to hear it." he said, "its not often that you hear a happy ending in a place like this." I took a breath, knowing that James wasn't out of the woods yet. "You're right." I replied. " Its very rare, and he's still not out of the woods, but he is recovering nicely and there aren't any signs of infection yet." Eugene set the core of his apple down, wiping his hands on his uniform pants. "Yea, at least he's got a tough gal like you to look after him." I smiled. "If only." He looked at me confused. "You mean you aren't staying?" I shook my head, "Nope, I have to go back to my hospital the day after tomorrow." "have you thought about a transfer?" the truth was, I had but the head nurse would never allow it. "Yea," i answered, "My head nurse would never allow it,a nd to bypass her I'd have to have a letter from the superior officer here and I've got no grounds to ask." He nodded slightly, as if pondering something. "Well." he began, " I could put in the good word for you, besides we need another nurse around here, specifically for the airmen, all we have is ol Billy over there and he's not nearly as pretty as you." I laughed and shook my head. "You'd do that for me?" "Of course." he responded 'Anything for a friend."


End file.
